Randon Entries:

Jokes, Jokes and Jokes
TIME: 11:22 p.m.

DATE: 2002-01-12



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TODAY'S HEADLINES, HILARIOUS JUNK, AND SIDE STORIES

Here are some funny jokes from my email. Enjoy

Maw is outside hangin up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the

kitchen.

Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there

outhouse."

Paw says, "All right, Maw."

Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and hollers, "Maw, there

ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole."

Paw says, "I ain't puttin my head in that there hole!"

Maw says, "Well you're gonna have to if'n you're gonna fix the

problem!"

Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and he

hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."

Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my

beard's stuck in the cracks in the seat!"

Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it!!!"

(DIRTY DIRTY)

Another Joke

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahhhh, it's cute.

3. Why don't we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It's OK, we'll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no... a flash headache.

11. (giggle and point)

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won't take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. If you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the early bird.

third Joke>

Addenda to Murphy's Law

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. When the chips are all down, the buffalo is empty.

8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

12. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower

13. You have the right to remain silent...Anything you say will be

misquoted, then used against you.

14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16. Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

20. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,

someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it.

24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's

population.

25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those

who got there first.

27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat drinking beer forever.

28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

29. Shin: A device for finding furniture.

30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12

people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

36. Light travels faster than sound...This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Take a Step Backwards - Go ON Forward

0 Any cool comments about this wacky entry!



Picture, Quote, JOke, or crazy thing for today:




Backup Five Steps

I will be here tomorrow - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005

Gosh I think I am able to breath - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004

That is my relative, ziggy - Monday, Nov. 01, 2004

no bright eyes but always bushy tail - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

litte update from me.... - Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004

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