Randon Entries:

SO belittled, broken and depressed.........What happen to me five hours ago?
TIME: 11:35 p.m.

DATE: Monday, Jul. 01, 2002



I am feeling: <


One Year ago Today Quotes or thoughts:
Last Year's Entry Link:




TODAY'S HEADLINES, HILARIOUS JUNK, AND SIDE STORIES

Today has been going from extreme happy and glowing to really a bad bad worst day ever.

Today started out to be the best. I went out to get my paycheck and that is when Angela (Sweet and lovable) Angela told me I can come in an hour early. Sweet and thank you. SO guess where I went? Up to see about a digital camera. A beautiful Camera. And I look and I saw that one I really love and found it it was a little more then I would want to spend. Well after looking at the other selections, I came up to the conclusion that I really want it. Well all I am going to say is that I got a good deal with it and boom I GOT A DIGITAL CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT A DIGITAL CAMERA!!!

Then I went to work. Work was happy times for a while... It got near the end and there was still some people there and it was still good. Well Then they left so Angela turn everything off and then we realize that Guess what, There was still a family there. So we had to turn everything back on. Well that is NOT the bad part. The bad part is what happen. They came up to see what they can get for their tickets. I notice one of the little girls got something from the case. Well I whisper to Angela about it. And the mother knew that. She has the little one with her at all times. Well I ask the girl where she got it and the older one said the case. And that is when I said <"Sweetie, you can't take stuff out of the case" "We need to do stuff like that" Well that is when all hell broke loose. The mother said to me "I wouldn't have her take that out of the store" YOu can't tell a three year old that she stealing stuff" and Then She starts yelling and spitting at me for a long time. After she was finished. I did apologize for her not understanding what I said and She yelled at me again. Finally she got what she can get for the tickets. She told me that she is going to find out the owners and tell on me. Then she had the gump to report me up in the office up there. It was Rodney. Thank goodness Angela was with me because when we went up there, Angela talk to Rodney for me. If it was John It would have been my fault. I joke with Angela and as well as Rodney. But you know what? It REALLy Hurt me. How can she be so rude to me like that? I really never had been degraded in my life as much as she did. I felt like saying to her "I have feelings to and you just shit on them and step all over them". I was so close to crying in front of them. It is strange. I thought I would get mad and say a few choice words like I shouldnt' do but instead I kept my mouth shut and let her have it with me. I am glad I kept it shut. I just joke around with them but I did apologize Three times about what she thought I meant. And the sad thing is that it is my job. I have to watch out for stuff like that. Earlier, the father was cheating on a KID's game striker. It is a bowling game. He goes in the end where the pins are and throws the ball that way. My job is to make sure that stuff doesn't happen.

I shouldn't apologize for that. And it shouldn't affect me. But it does and It Really hurts me. I think if Angela really knew how bad I felt but I didn't want her to know. I really don't want anybody to know. The more I think about it, the more it really saddens me. I remember the FIRst time somebody got mad at me, I remember my dad telling me that I can't please everybody but that is, in a way, my job. Angela said I did the right thing, and I have things I am grateful for.

1. I got a Digital Camera

2. Working with Angela was fun

3. James wrote in my guestbook

4. Some new people have been added to my addict2sims.

5. One of my favorite holidays is coming up, Fourth of July,

6. Did I mention it is official that I am the employee of the month.

7. Oliver is now in the garage. Barbara was worried sick about him be out all night so I told her I will stay up for awhile. So I went and check out the back door and finally he showed up. This is good news. At the same time, Bad stuff had happen besides this. I got an email from a Friend, Marcia. She told me that she couldn't open my email because there was a virus. UmmmmmmmI haven't written to Marcia in a long time so I don't know what she is talking about but a virus doesn't sound so good. Then When I wanted to send Trendy Matt a note in his guestbook. I had to get up from my desk to do something and when I came back, Somebody (you know who) put instead of my name in the your name box put in Matt's name and said it was a joke. That is no joke. Now that is great. Sorry Matt. And then Dustin (yep that is him) hits me with the pillow on the back of my head. and it hits the side of my eye which scares me because I am wearing my contact lenses and it really could have wack it out but it just made it uncomfortable. So there is this but there is so many good and great news.........

But no matter what, STuff like this bothers me no matter what. I think deep down inside I am still a little girl that think nothing of herself except some useless piece of solid that is there. I know that is so sad but it is the truth sometimes. It affects me deeply. I think of ways I should had done and I think of stuff I should wish I did. Nevertheless, the more I think of it, the more It looks bad on me no matter how many people think I am in the right. As I am sitting her crying (literally), ALl I can think is that If only I pick up some tylonol pm so I can just use it to help me sleep. WIht my mind thinking of this all the time......That might be the only thing to get me to sleep. Goodness why Am I that way? Why do I worried ALL the time?? Maybe I just need some love. Gosh it is almost midnight. I guess I could give myself a hug but it doesn't work.

I was thinking of the word that describes the way I feel. The word that fits me good besides broken is Belittled. The comments that she made of me made me feel so small.

SO Belittled.

I just wish I don't get affect this way.......I just wish I don't get my feelings hurt so badly. I just wish I was a different person. I just wish I had at least a medium self esteem.........I just wish I can spell things right.......I just wish I can be smart......I wish I can be skinny and pretty.....I wish I was tall or at least average height........I wish I was popular........I wish I had my old self back to me (the happy self).......I wish I wasn't a coward.......I just wish I had tylonol Pm to help me sleep. I just wish I didn't have insomnia.....I just wish I wasn't me.....................................Iguess wishes just can't come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Take a Step Backwards - Go ON Forward

0 Any cool comments about this wacky entry!



Picture, Quote, JOke, or crazy thing for today:




Backup Five Steps

I will be here tomorrow - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005

Gosh I think I am able to breath - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004

That is my relative, ziggy - Monday, Nov. 01, 2004

no bright eyes but always bushy tail - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

litte update from me.... - Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004

Other Diaryrings are below!!!
Diaryrings part 3: Recent
Diaryrings: ME
Diaryrings: Interests