Randon Entries:

Car is messed up.........
TIME: 11:45 p.m.

DATE: Saturday, February 8, 2003



I am feeling: <


One Year ago Today Quotes or thoughts: "I didn't know why I feel so tense up but at the end of the week I finally realize that I am so stress up"
Last Year's Entry Link:
Stress out me�.



TODAY'S HEADLINES, HILARIOUS JUNK, AND SIDE STORIES

Problems with my car> It should be a happy car but guess what? There is something wrong with it and since I am not a good mechanic, well it hard to explain what happen to it and now it is grounded and I have to either borrow a ride home or well ask dad to give me a ride to work or drive my car and hope it doesn't stop in the middle of the intersection........I don't feel like typing much so I went to look for jokes.

Blonde - Elmo Factory

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List

December 1Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards. December 2Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener. December 4Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7Debug Windows '2000 December 10Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11Lay Faberge egg.December 12Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.December 13Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.December 14Install plumbing in gingerbread house.December 15Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.December 17Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.December 19Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat. December 20Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture. December 21Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks. December 22Float votive candles in toilet tank. December 23Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock. December 24Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. December 26Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. December 27Build snowman in exact likeness of God. December 31New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

911

A Blonde's Brain At Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

She can't find the eleven

A Flaky Blonde

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried. ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

A Side Order of Blondes

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?" "You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

She heard the drinks were on the house

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes? Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!

Bad Blondes, Whatcha Gonna Do?

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops. "Yes," says the blonde. "Are their lights on?" The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies? There's M&M shells all over the floor.

A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L." The bartender says, "What's an M L?" The brunette says, "A Miller Light." Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L" The bartender says, "What's a B L?" She says, "Bud Light." A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15." The bartender says, "What's a fifteen?" The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

Blonde - Detectives Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect. ''Easy,'' she replied. ''He only has one eye.'' The chief was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'' He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. ''He only has one ear,'' was her answer. ''What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'' He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, ''How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.'' After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, ''He's wearing contact lenses.'' This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!'' ''Well,'' she said, ''he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?''

Blonde - Two Coats

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart. While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room. He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats? She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, ''FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!''

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater? A: A blonde trying to set fire to itA blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts. A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?" "Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"

Take a Step Backwards - Go ON Forward

0 Any cool comments about this wacky entry!



Picture, Quote, JOke, or crazy thing for today:




Backup Five Steps

I will be here tomorrow - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005

Gosh I think I am able to breath - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004

That is my relative, ziggy - Monday, Nov. 01, 2004

no bright eyes but always bushy tail - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

litte update from me.... - Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004

Other Diaryrings are below!!!
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Diaryrings: ME
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