Randon Entries:

If I was invisible, would everybody be the same if I wasn't there?
TIME: 11:04 p.m.

DATE: Monday, Feb. 10, 2003



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TODAY'S HEADLINES, HILARIOUS JUNK, AND SIDE STORIES

I am so not so funky lately. It is not that I am sad or depressed or anything. I am just so here. I just have so many decision to make latey that it is making everything else well so little. First, there was a job opening and I did apply for it. It has more benefits in this job but the job I have right now has more well more........More happiness. NO that is not the word I am thinking of. It has to more to do with it then money. I love to work with kids. I really do. And this other job I am going to be at a desk or computer. I love being around the games. I am not playing with the games but it is a nice atmosphere. I am finally get the hours I like. Finally and I am happy with that.

Well I am maybe not happy. I am just in a slump. I feel like it. I am going nowhere at this moment until May comes and I apply for college and get that one last credit and get myself a real paying job which that would be an adventure. I just fell like I am here and that is it. I DON"T like living here. If I was in Lexington, I know I would be next to Matt asking about his wonderful time with Josh> OR I would find something> Here in this crappy town, the people are either well.......they guys only care about is to get some drugs or to drive around the shopping center.....There is not much to do. And the girls, well their idea of fun is to go with the guys. That is it around here. This town This town eats people and that is it. These people in this town are sooooo>

I am NOT Saying I am well educated and that I am far superior. But BUT BUT....I mean I met some great people like spunkyjarvis....And Tiffany is so fab. But I don't get a chance to see her because our schedules are crazy. And she has somebody.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I was going to end this day on the diary entry I wrote for Matt and I should have but I don't know why I have even start this....I am so just here. I am not depressed. I keep saying this to myself and hoping that it is not that way. I keep having the commerical for that depression medicine going through my head and it is making sense.....OH MY GOSH>>>>>>>>NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOo.

I am either too sleepy or lack of sleep. Or I am so not interested in the stuff I love. A good example is my diary. I went from I want to change my layout to.........Well I haven't even replace the art I have on......

GOSh WHY did I even start up with these worms in the stinkin can.

My car is funk up, where I live is crappy, and my life is going nowhere really fast. How long is this going to last? AM I depressed. I don't feel sad. I just feel so overwhelm with life. Overwhelm. and just so well Overwhelm with life. That is it but I am not sad. I really am happy.....

I am really happy> I am happy....Happy I tell you happy. I am so fricken happy...I really am. I am happy for Matt. I am happy for poppacasey for getting that scholarship but not for having a sad birthday. I am happy. I am happy that Becky is doing great in graduate school. I am happy. I am happy that spunkyjarvis has somebody special. I am happy.....I am so happy. I am happy........GoSh I don't know what I am.....

Maybe if I tell myself this, I can believe it.

I just don't know myself anymore. I think I lost all that is me. On the outside I am this happy smiling person but on the inside I just don't know anymore....I just don't know. Right now, all I see are the things I haven't got accomplish. What happen to my rose-color glasses. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw

I am happy.....

Maybe if I become invisible, would people's lives be the same? hmmmmmmm Maybe if I just well awwwwwwwwwwwwww Don't say that. Now that is overwhelming me. AWWWWWWWWWWW I am so not here.....

Everybody has a title or somebody. I am just a college drop out right now with only one class to graduate, and working in Dookeyville. I really haven't done anything worth accomplishing. I mean I graduate from High school but still.....I took every developmental classes there are before I could start in college. Oh boy....I don't have a title to my name and I am def. not special in any way. YOu know what I mean? I can tell you this right now, I am so not a great writer, nor a good one. If any of you believe that, bless your heart. I am so not beautiful and believe me I don't have a perfect or even half close figure. My skin is so dry and cracky and my eyes well...Lets just say I am so not this model figure.....What is there? AWWWWWWWWW

AWWWWWWWWWWWw

I can go down the line and tell you what specialities other people carried. sponge22bob. MEL MEL She is so fab and so sweet. I mean if she only saw the craziness in me...She might think otherwise. She is def. a cheerleader for other people. Melanie has quotes including her own that are so fab and she even has diary of the day. Now that is so much more fab. She thinks of other people so much....I wish I could be more like her.

Gosh now this is so well not a good idea. Maybe it is. I am not happy about my situation. I happy for others......

True though I am not sad....I am not crying or anything...I am just so here. NO emotion can explain this. Can you just be here. NO depression thing going on here.........Right?

I just want to let you know, If you do find that fun loving me or just find my rose-color glassed, let me know. I really need them a lot lately....



Take a Step Backwards - Go ON Forward

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Picture, Quote, JOke, or crazy thing for today:




Backup Five Steps

I will be here tomorrow - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005

Gosh I think I am able to breath - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004

That is my relative, ziggy - Monday, Nov. 01, 2004

no bright eyes but always bushy tail - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

litte update from me.... - Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004

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