Randon Entries:

Me being so open......IS there anything special that is me?
TIME: 1:34 a.m.

DATE: Wednesday, Jul. 17, 2002



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NOpe I am still here. It is kinda corney but I just want to post this time........Becuase it is strange to see me up this late.

I just feel miserable. I was thinking wouldn't it be good to just change me or find another personality then me. I have been just trying to chance my attitude but it is not working and what I feel is not working.

When I was in high school I wasn't even close to being popular and in college is the same way. I just tried to treat people with goodness.

Now I am at this job and really like it somedays and there are somedays it gets very hetic and it is hard to do that. It is hard when I messed up and there are some times where I have been doing that. I just crap things up sometimes. It has been hard on me lately I have been stressed about school and about work. My goodness hearing from my boss John that "Hey You can be replace anything soon" is not comforting thoughts. Right now I have the enough of money to quit and stay for a couple of months paying off my loans but here is the problem......Car insurance is coming up and then there is school. I dont' know if I can substitute the foreign languages for the cultural classes and I don't know who to talk to about this......It really frightens me that I won't beable to do it. I want to know the answer if only if it is good for me.........heheheh Now that is so sad and immature for me to say that but it is the truth. I got school and I got to worried about paying that and car insurance and then the loan payments and then the car payment and then work.........There is so much stress I can only handle and this job shouldn't be one that should be on the top of the list.

I also have to worried about my faint spells. I thought it could be lack of food or work but I had myself a full stomach and I was at home and I had a couple..........But lately they have been happening more......SO that scares the poopings out of me.......Maybe it is the stress of this whole thing.....Sometimes Maybe my body just can't handle the stress of everything. OF course I worried about everything little thing and this makes it worse.......Give you a good example. I dont' know how this happen but one of the games where there are the tickets, the thing was open.......I thought I closed everyone of them and lock it but it didnt' happen.......John got furious and he told me that was a fair warning.......next time I will get written up.......Guess what I did........>? I got so worried about me forgeting the rest of them, I worried about an hour until I went to the other ones and check them out. True story.....Now that is bizarre but that is how my mind works. Or When I can't find the keys to the games........I swear I think of so many things of them being lost it is unreal until they are found. Of course I am a nervous wreck until this happens.

So I put some of this stress upon myself but I just feel like If I was somebody else I would be a lot better off. A different personality........The way I look would be a nice start as well. Just different. I mean why does anybody like me? What makes me different then anybody else? WHat gives? Is it because I am a wacky person or weird? Or is there something special (I know very small) about me?? I just don't understand............

Well I am off and gosh that took a huge weight off of my shoulders.........Writing this makes me feel better even thought those thoughts are what I feel. Gosh I just feel like an open book right now......I dont' have really any other secrets........................

Gosh I am way too open....Maybe I should delete this....Well if this entry is still here by 8:00 this morning that means I guess I will keep it..........It might be too open for my point of view..........Just way too open kinda of a emotions for me.....



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Backup Five Steps

I will be here tomorrow - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005

Gosh I think I am able to breath - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004

That is my relative, ziggy - Monday, Nov. 01, 2004

no bright eyes but always bushy tail - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

litte update from me.... - Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004

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